I have been Used By, Compromised Many Times too. I am Setting Myself Free. Are you Setting Yourself Free?
Life has many phases. You have to go through all of them. The day you are born till the day you die, you would have spent your life in both measurable and immeasurable experiences. Most of the times, the thing that often comes in mind, is how much you tolerated or compromised yourself for the other person. It doesn't matter what was the position of that person and yours too at that point of time.
There always comes a point when one says that yes, I am not able to compromise anymore. It can be due to your observing the things from another person's perspective or because of your own, open-eyed perspective to which you were one blind way long back.
Whatever the case may be, a time comes when you feel that you have been weighed down all the time till now and your compromises are just looked down as you being a weak, loser kind of a person. The result, a big blow to your self-esteem, self-confidence, in short, to your self-worth!
It happens in everybody's life. You feel dejected, unloved, disliked by all not because you are but because the image created by you by your compromises, sacrifices for others is like that of a weak person. The perception created is such that others simply start taking you for granted.
What can you do if stuck in such a situation? I have been in this situation a lot many times but now, I feel that its high time to stop thinking on it and do something about this and I would like to share it with you all below -
1. Realization
The very first step in this process is to realize that yes, it is the actual problem for which you are seeking a solution. The point here is to be conscious. If you don't realize it, you will keep repeating your actions subconsciously.
If you observe closely, even a doctor can't treat your illness till the time you realize or accept that yes, you have a problem. Realization is the first and foremost thing if you want to get out of this feeling once and for all.
2. Draw the line
Once you have realized that you have a problem of compromising every time and have a feeling of being used, simply sit down with a piece of paper and write down your traits for which you feel you usually feel being used or it's in your nature to compromise for.
If you recall and write down these situations, you will be able to draw the line to what is the limit up to which you can tolerate it and what happens if you go beyond that.
3. Learn to say the word 'No'
The word 'No' is in the English dictionary for a purpose, so make use of it. What you are currently doing is following 'Yes theory'. The point here is not saying yes at all but when you really need to.
Learn to say no to things which you really don't like doing or want to stay away from all the time. Yes, there will come the time when you have to face the situations or the people that make you uncomfortable but that would not be frequent. Moreover, a little discomfort is also necessary as it tests your limits.
So start saying no and see what difference it makes overall.
4. Weigh your priorities
People, especially in India as I have observed are very discouraging. Earlier, I used to get very sad, depressed by such behaviors of them but now, as the times have changed, I am neutral and sometimes laugh at some of them. I don't let them affect my thinking.
The reason why I am able to do that is that I simply realize that they can't match my wavelength. It's like saying, we all sleep under the same sky but we all see it through different eyes.
Weighing your priorities helps you in many ways especially the impact of what that person is saying to you.
5. Don't run away
This is essential. The main thing about all of this is that you can't run from the truth. Take responsibility for your actions and accept that you also played a role in being compromised or used as you think you are. You allowed yourself too to some extent whether consciously or subconsciously into acting the way you wanted to act.
This way you could keep a track of your actions and train your subconscious accordingly. You would be able to say that I have had enough and I am not born to compromise. That day, you will set yourself free.
Is there a time when you felt that you have had enough and want to get away with it? Share your experiences in the comments section below.
There always comes a point when one says that yes, I am not able to compromise anymore. It can be due to your observing the things from another person's perspective or because of your own, open-eyed perspective to which you were one blind way long back.
Whatever the case may be, a time comes when you feel that you have been weighed down all the time till now and your compromises are just looked down as you being a weak, loser kind of a person. The result, a big blow to your self-esteem, self-confidence, in short, to your self-worth!
It happens in everybody's life. You feel dejected, unloved, disliked by all not because you are but because the image created by you by your compromises, sacrifices for others is like that of a weak person. The perception created is such that others simply start taking you for granted.
What can you do if stuck in such a situation? I have been in this situation a lot many times but now, I feel that its high time to stop thinking on it and do something about this and I would like to share it with you all below -
1. Realization
The very first step in this process is to realize that yes, it is the actual problem for which you are seeking a solution. The point here is to be conscious. If you don't realize it, you will keep repeating your actions subconsciously.
If you observe closely, even a doctor can't treat your illness till the time you realize or accept that yes, you have a problem. Realization is the first and foremost thing if you want to get out of this feeling once and for all.
2. Draw the line
Once you have realized that you have a problem of compromising every time and have a feeling of being used, simply sit down with a piece of paper and write down your traits for which you feel you usually feel being used or it's in your nature to compromise for.
If you recall and write down these situations, you will be able to draw the line to what is the limit up to which you can tolerate it and what happens if you go beyond that.
3. Learn to say the word 'No'
The word 'No' is in the English dictionary for a purpose, so make use of it. What you are currently doing is following 'Yes theory'. The point here is not saying yes at all but when you really need to.
Learn to say no to things which you really don't like doing or want to stay away from all the time. Yes, there will come the time when you have to face the situations or the people that make you uncomfortable but that would not be frequent. Moreover, a little discomfort is also necessary as it tests your limits.
So start saying no and see what difference it makes overall.
4. Weigh your priorities
People, especially in India as I have observed are very discouraging. Earlier, I used to get very sad, depressed by such behaviors of them but now, as the times have changed, I am neutral and sometimes laugh at some of them. I don't let them affect my thinking.
The reason why I am able to do that is that I simply realize that they can't match my wavelength. It's like saying, we all sleep under the same sky but we all see it through different eyes.
Weighing your priorities helps you in many ways especially the impact of what that person is saying to you.
5. Don't run away
This is essential. The main thing about all of this is that you can't run from the truth. Take responsibility for your actions and accept that you also played a role in being compromised or used as you think you are. You allowed yourself too to some extent whether consciously or subconsciously into acting the way you wanted to act.
This way you could keep a track of your actions and train your subconscious accordingly. You would be able to say that I have had enough and I am not born to compromise. That day, you will set yourself free.
Is there a time when you felt that you have had enough and want to get away with it? Share your experiences in the comments section below.
Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash
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