Giving It All Up

 

 

Counting and recounting the number of times I failed, it has created a mountain tearing the ceiling of the house I live in. Curse, as they say, It's not bad luck as I don't believe in the bullsh*t of good or bad luck. The reason being the definition of what's good or bad varies from person to person.

They say being lost is common and one can get back. What about a person who has gone for too long and too far? It will take a lifetime to get back. Living the same old life on a daily basis, the problems faced never seem to end. The so-called God sitting above the puny human beings is enjoying the matinee show.

Never-Ending Pain

Aching nights, tracked by the satellites, but I am not received. Looking for ways to collect the broken pieces of my useless life, but it doesn't seem to fix anytime soon coz the pieces are too many.

The fire that originally erupted seems to complete its course and burn out. The cold flame seemingly burning the last time, trying hard to gather the needed air to burn itself again.

Going by the rules, the world seems to spin around endlessly. Trying to grab on a constant spot, but all trials in vain.

The caste, the creed, the religion, the spiritual taking on all that you have got effortlessly. Sleepless nights, endless fights, no one cares if you see the dawn or not.

The Burning Soul

Tried praying, did all the possible activities to please the one sitting above us all even tried sitting in a burning pyre, but it seems that the enjoyment never seems to end and the audience wants more of it.

Pulling the sheet above my eyes, so I can try to sleep tonight, but the constant beats of the drum wakes me up every damn night.

Like a ghost I wander the streets, seeing the smiling faces, happy couples, group of friends dancing in the lounge from a single, lone corner. This is what I also used to do when I was alive.

They say don't let them take you down, but what if I want to drown me slowly?

Wear Me Out Till I Am Dead

No matter how much I try, it's not enough. I see myself in the mirror and I see the mountain of the pain tempting me to climb it up. I so damn wish too but it seems to be 50000 feet high and with one slip, I will be lost in the bottomless abyss to be lost again.

 Sometimes, I pray to keep me adrift, unaffected by whatever happens, but the prayers are the means of entertainment for someone listening to them. It's like a mellifluous song to his ears which he forgot to remove from his player's repeat mode.

Stopped doing the crap I was doing in the past, forced myself to be distracted with the life I once wished for myself only to know that wishes come true only in movies.

The reality is different in the sense that your wishes are controlled by someone else. You can't ever get what you ever wished. In fact, you don't even know what you have to lose to let the genie grant you that wish of yours.

The sands of time will wear you down, killing you from within. Every time you wake up from that deep slumber, you will feel like you have been reborn, reincarnated from what you actually were in the past.

Gain Something, Lose All

I tried gambling, no luck, card games, no luck again. Mediocre, average I have always been. They say do the stuff you are best at, I tried that, only to be left alone with a room full of darkness all around.

No claps, no sound of appreciation, cheerful audience,  I haven't seen any. My mind shouted, TRY AGAIN. I tirelessly give in my best again, gathering the lost pieces along with the ones that are in my immediate sight, only to see the same results again.

I wonder cursing myself would help or curse fate, but neither helps. Now I feel the worst is near, but to keep my dying hopes alive, lose everything I have got, and break down in the shape of things to come.   

Gave It All Up         

Sharpening myself, rubbing every inch on the edge of the stone, I gave myself up a long time ago, it was just the ending flame, before burning out, help me find the dawn of the dying day.

On the sea of grey, I endure the pain, the suffering and the endless torture, I am lost, tired and depraved, I am looking for a ray of light to come from somewhere.

Waited for ages, losing patience, I have convinced myself that you won't be there ever and I have to walk alone, paving my own path only to find you standing at the other end, smiling and taking all the credit of all the things you never did.

Here is another selfless attempt to please you, I am a wreck, I am a mess, I know I screwed it all up, like always, you enjoy seeing me giving it all up.